Mario Wants an Omelet so Luigi Goes Out
by capgamer
Summary: Mario is craving an omelet and so Luigi goes out to get some eggs and make him one.
1. Chapter 1

Mario Wants an Omelet so Luigi Goes Out to Buy Some Eggs

CHAPTER 1

_Boy, I sure could go for an omelet._

_I mean, really. That would be really nice._

_If someone were to go make me one, I'd appreciate it._

_Luigi, aren't **you** good at making omelets?_

"Darn it Mario! Make your own freaking omelet!"

"But I always buuurrrnnn them..."

So Luigi went out to buy some eggs and make Mario an omelet. As he was walking down the street he noticed a coin laying in the storm drain. As he reached down to get it, he suddenly got booted in the rear by someone. Getting up in a huff, he looked around to find this cruel assailant but saw nobody around.

Shrugging his shoulders, he bent down again to grab the coin... but it wasn't there! Luigi sighed and continued walking down the street.

_Pit pat pit pat_

He whirled around to search for those suspicious footsteps, but saw nothing. Gulping, he continued walking down the sidewalk.

_Pit pat pit pat pi..._

"WHO'S THERE!" Luigi shouted as he spun around and glanced at the nearby alleyways and buildings. Nobody was around. This was especially unusual, seeing as it was a sunny and beautiful Saturday and he was walking on the busiest street in the Mushroom Kingdom.

"I'll scream for help! I r-really will!" He said, with a stutter.

He received no answer.

By this point, Luigi had already peed his pants, had a fit of diarrhea, and vomited seven times. Fortunately, he had become accustomed to such "accidents" and changed himself in broad daylight. He began to take a casual jog down the street

_pit pat pit pat pit_

and then, because he was feeling so energetic, increased to a relaxing sprint.

_pit pat pit pat pit pat pit pat pit_

But the weather was oh so lovely and so he decided to push himself a bit more into a butt-cheeks-flapping-in-the-wind death dash just to warm his muscles up a bit.

_**PITPATPITPATPITPATPITPAT-**_

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME PLEASE IVE GOT THIS THING CHASING ME AND ITS GOING PITPAT AND I'M SCARED OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!"

Then Luigi had a heart-attack.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

_You know, sir... I've never really done an operation of this scale before._

_Confidence, my boy. That's the key. If you've got confidence you can do anything._

_Well, I would consider myself a general optimist, but I really don't think_

_ANYTHING, my boy._

"Beep whoop beep," said Luigi groggily. He opened his perpetually open eyes and attempted to yawn (which produced a blank sheet of printing paper from where his mouth would have been). As he gazed around the room, he noticed that he was not, nor had he ever been, in Kansas. An old man wearing swirled goggles loomed over him.

"Hello there, my boy! I must say that for a couple hours we weren't sure if you'd pull through. My student was really sweating it up as he sliced you open. The poor boy dropped a few sponges in you and just about fainted trying to pull them out again. You wouldn't believe how much blood there was!"

"Beep boop!" demanded Luigi at the top of his voice.

"What's that? Oh, silly me. Here's a pencil and a piece of paper." The man handed Luigi the aforementioned pencil and yanked out a piece of printer paper from Luigi's mouth. Luigi began trying to write with his left hand when he realized that it was a laser cannon. So, he put the pencil in his right hand (which looked as though it came from a claw-grabber machine) and began scribbling out precisely what he intended to say. Unfortunately, he hadn't quite grasped the sheer power of his claw and cleaved through the pencil in seconds.

The old man handed Luigi a box of pencils and stepped out of the room.

"How's he doing, professor?" A little toad was hovering over Luigi's sliced-open corpse.

"Oh he's fine. How's his body?"

"Well, I'll admit that I had my doubts at first. But now, this really is starting to seem like a hopeful operation. I'm not sure why we had to remove his brain and put it in a robot, though."

"Theatrics, my boy. That's the key. If you've got theatrics you can do anything."

"I thought it was confid-"

"ANYTHING, my boy. And anyway, I bet people would pay good money to be turned into a robot. Can you picture it? 'Robot for a day!' There are people into that kind of thing, you know? Fetishists."

At about this time, Luigi finally began to scribble out something halfway legible (though he also started running out of pencils).

_y m i a rodot robot?_

The old man walked back in. "Well, glad to see you're starting to get a bit accustomed to this new... mainFRAME of mind." He chuckled.

"Beep!" Shouted Luigi indignantly.

"You could say that now you're a computer CHIP off the old block!"

Luigi angrily shoved the note in the man's face. He grasped it and glanced at it.

"Oh, you poor thing. I guess I understand your confusion. Here, just lay down again and we'll take your brain out of that robot and put it right back where it belongs."

Luigi reluctantly obeyed.

"Now I hate to make you the BOT of a bad joke, but..."

The good professor just managed to cut off the power before Luigi's claw strangulated him.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

_Poke it with a stick._

_A sharp stick?_

_Of course a sharp stick! Hurry up, before somebody comes!_

_Whoa! It's like bursting a water balloon full of blood and guts! AWESOME!_

Luigi sleepily stood up and yanked the stick from his side, glancing briefly at the wound. He mumbled drowsily and reached around for a towel to wipe the goobers out of his eyes.

"Mmm! Arg! Blugh!" Snatching onto a startled child's shirt, he ripped it off in one tug and began rubbing his eyes with it.

The children had elsewhere to be, so they gleefully jogged home.

"LUCIFER HATH COME! LUCIFER HATH COME!"

"MOMMY! LET ME BACK INTO YOUR WOMB!"

Luigi looked around at his surroundings. He seemed to be next to the road outside of a public park. Tire tracks were ripped into the ground nearby that seemed to have been caused by someone in quite a hurry.

Finding himself with a strange craving for something inexplicable, Luigi stumbled over to a nearby stream to take a drink.

Unfortunately, it was about this time that he noticed that he was an undead corpse. That craving he had was in fact to devour any and all brains that might come his way. He needed some brains right then and there. He needed them badly.

So, Luigi went into the nearby village. Immediately, pandemonium struck. People screamed and began to run around crazily, trampling each other and fighting over vehicles. They all seemed to be concerned about a certain "zombie" or some such. Luigi was more preoccupied with the devouring of brains than the current public gossip.

It was the darndest thing. You see, with every brain Luigi devoured a new undead corpse was born. Every undead corpse craved brains and so they also began to devour people. The streets ran red with blood, unfortunately.

The good news was that the more brains an undead corpse devoured the more intelligent that corpse would become. Soon, Luigi had progressed to something not completely unlike his old self. He still craved brains, though.

"Well this simply isn't going to work," he said to himself. "If I'm off killing people and devouring their brains I shall never get a chance to make Mario an omelet. I must somehow stop these cravings."

That's how the ZA (Zombies Anonymous) was created.


End file.
